I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
