yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We're too hungover to prance.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
