this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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