'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
