Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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