at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
