Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
