Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
