i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
