i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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