When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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