I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
