we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
