Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
