I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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