This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
