My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's just like the Real World with babies
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
