i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
