Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
