Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just threw up on my dentist
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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