He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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