marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We left the knife in your bed.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
