all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
