i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
