I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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