i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
