And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
