I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize