how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
