i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
