Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
