So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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