I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
