well I can't set my house on fire every night
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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