U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
