even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
organizing the empties. That sober.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
