matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
