Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
