I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I got inside last night via doggy door
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
