I'm so fucking centered right now
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
