I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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