You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
