you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize