I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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