So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
