Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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