this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
