Fine. I'll sleep in my office
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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