I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
