my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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