oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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