lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
