The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
