YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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