The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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