i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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