At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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