YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
