Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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