So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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