just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
