worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
