maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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