I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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