Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
