wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
