it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
