I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
