just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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