based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
