I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
