Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
