you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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