super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
