How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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