i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
