I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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