defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
