Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
