I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
