Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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