She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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