If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish you could order shots online.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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