I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
