Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
