I skipped work to stalk him.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
