You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize