Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
