I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
