i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
COCAINE IS GR8
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
