I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
