Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
