You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
