It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
