I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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