I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
